I am very frustrated at the moment! I am E.A.T.ing (Emotioning, Acting and Thinking) out of control and hoping that writing it down will calm me down!
A few minutes ago, I dropped my daughter off at school, while I was parked a lady pulled up very close beside my car and a child threw her car door open and I felt the impact of the door crashing into my car. I didn’t get out of the car, I was frustrated and downright angry at the driver. Did she even notice?
My E.A.T. loop began….
Emotions of frustration, anger, pity, judgement, outrage, resentment, impatience, irritated, doubtful, torn, stuck, hurt, threatened, bullied, anxious, anticipation, overwhelmed, tense….
Do you know the feeling? Your blood is pumping and your adrenaline is high. My Actions/behavior to the situation was to sit in my car, I didn’t actually see the damage at this point. I didn’t get out of the car, I guess I didn’t want to connect my actions to my emotions and thoughts at the moment for fear of what I would say or do. Thoughts of “How dare they?”, I remember thinking. “Are they not aware that I was parked there and by pulling up close to my car and throwing open a door it would damage the car? How can people be so rude, so careless? There is plenty of space in the parking lot, why close to my car? Why can’t they say I’m sorry…at least? What is wrong with them? Maybe, they didn’t notice—they are unaware of what they do. I thought to myself, that I don’t know what is going on in their lives and I should have compassion for them, and then I quickly reminded myself that I have to drive around with the dent, the sign of another person’s actions! A reminder every day that people damage and destroy things…my things… and of all the emotions and thoughts that come along with their actions! Why?
E.A.T.ing all these Emotions, Actions and Thoughts until I arrived at my next stop. The first thing I did was jump out of my car and discovered the damage….a very prominent dent filled with the silver car paint scraped onto my black car. The volcano inside me who was dormant, calm, cool, collected, peaceful up until the incident this morning was awakened. The lava inside me starting to build and after seeing the dent….a volcanic eruption took place! The E.A.T.s I had before were now swirling around in my body and in my head with great strength and force, my blood was boiling and all I my E.A.T.s were surrounded with the memories of irresponsibility, neglect and the disregard people have for one another.
This went on for a while….as I am writing this, I see that I too am neglecting and disregarding the person who I believe “caused” my volcanic eruption. I don’t know her, I don’t know if she even noticed what had happened. She definitely does not know how I feel or what I think of the whole situation. Should I tell her how I feel? What good can come from it? I feel like I have to free my E.A.T.s. I know that by pushing them deep down inside and not freeing them, it will only make my E.A.T.s more harmful to my body, soul and spirit. But how? Do I say something to her? What do I say? It already happened…it can’t be taken back.
I know that I create my Emotions, Actions and Thoughts….right? The events of this morning is a reflection of my own pent up E.A.T.s. How do I want to teach myself to handle these types of situations? What do I want to E.A.T.?
Clearly, I do not want to harm my body, soul or spirit or anyone else’s for that matter….so why the volcanic eruption? What good comes from it?
I do have to say that writing this down, is freeing already! The good I get out of this situation is that I am aware of what I am E.A.T.ing and that awareness is the healthiest thing I can feed myself.
The dent…the reminder of what happened for me today…is imprinted in my mind and on my car. I want to remember, it is a sign to free my own damaged emotions and thoughts with actions of compassion and love for myself and for others. Cars will come and go, dents can be repaired just as the “dents” we carry around inside us. The thing is, we have to be able to see them in order to repair them. Today, I discovered what I was E.A.T.ing and being aware of my Emotions, my Actions and my Thoughts allowed me the opportunity to repair my inner “dents".
With that knowledge, I sit here with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart, thanking the people in this world, the events and lessons that come along to teach me about myself….lessons of freedom, love and happiness.
Awareness is freeing. I am now calm and happy and life goes on. What do I do now? I think the next time I run into this lady, I will silently thank her for giving me an opportunity to teach myself important life lessons and maybe even share with her what I have learned about myself, who knows.
The fact of the matter is, life will always send lessons our way, whether we learn from them or not...is our choice. Awareness that everything happens FOR me and not to me, is the key to learning and creating freedom, love and happiness.
“Life is not out to get you, it is waiting for you to get it.”
–Jennifer A. Belinkis